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Free Thought Fridays: Handling peoples disappointment

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As I get older I realize that time and energy are precious commodities. When you’re the type (as I am) that is sensitive to other people’s feelings you can sometimes get to be a bit of a people pleaser. Being around happy people is such a high. I used to believe that what I did for people would make them happy. I hated to disappoint anyone. So I would sometimes run myself ragged. Now I know that you cannot “make” people happy. Happiness is something that comes from within. It’s a waste of my time and my energy to do something to please someone, especially if it makes me unhappy doing it. I’ll give you an example. I was often invited to parties with people I didn’t really want to spend much time with. I would go because I felt “hey I’m young, I should be going out, partying, and socializing”. I felt I would be thought of as boring if I wasn’t always out doing something. But inside I was cringing. I knew that some of the people at the party would be obnoxious. I didn’t really want to go, but I went anyway and had a crappy time. So now if someone invites me to something I don’t want to be at I just say “thanks but no.” I don’t even care about disappointing them anymore. Life is too short. You can’t live your life trying to please everyone. You can’t control everyone’s reactions. All you can do is what’s right for you. Though, I’m still polite about declining to attend such events. After all, it was thoughtful of them to invite me. But that doesn’t mean I’m obliged to go. Also, you get a chance to learn who your friends truly are in these situations. If they still want to hang out with you even if you don’t go to their parties then they are a real friend. And real friends are keepers.


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Free Thought Fridays: Stop waiting

I’m really good at procrastinating sometimes, especially when I’m afraid of doing something. It’s almost the end of summer and I realized that life was just passing me by because I was afraid of change. I’m human, who isn’t afraid of change? It’s natural to fear the unknown. But I realized I had to stop waiting for things to be perfect for me to take action. Life is messy and sometimes chaotic. But we can get the greatest growth and enjoyment out of life when we’re thrust out of our element. I decided to stop waiting and take things in hand. Next year I’m planning on attending a yoga retreat. It’s quite expensive, but it’s the trip of a lifetime in my mind. We’ll be going to Hawaii and the teachers included are some of my favourite spiritual authors and people I look up to in general. I’m going to be out of my element for much of this upcoming yoga retreat but I know I’m going to learn so much and grow so much as well. So what are you waiting for? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do and kept holding back? Everything is possible if you really want to find a way. Don’t be afraid to ask for help with accomplishing your dreams. Most people would be happy to help you!


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Free Thought Fridays: Letting go and fear

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I stumbled across the quote on facebook and loved it. It is so totally true. I always wonder, why do we fight letting go of things? I think for many the reason is fear. There are many fears but most common are the fear of the unknown, fear of failing and fear of being fully ourselves. You might think huh? How can I have the fear of being fully myself? Believe me, it’s possible. We all have within ourselves the possibility to express the highest and lowest qualities of our being. Most of us aren’t comfortable being the best version of ourselves that is possible. Being normal is often perceived as good. It’s good to be normal, to be accepted, to be nice, not to push against the boundaries of society. Who doesn’t want to be normal? Being extraordinary can carry connotations of arrogance besides excellence. But if you aren’t happy in your life why not let go of what isn’t working for you? Another well known saying is: “feel the fear and do it anyway.” Change is certainly hard and it’s what I’ve been facing lately. I’m making baby steps towards my new goals and some big changes will be coming. I hope at the end I will become a better and happier version of myself.


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Free Thought Fridays: John Steinbeck quote

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I love this quote and the story attached to this image in the Kindness Blog. What this quote means to me is that we should treat each being we encounter (human, animal, whatever) as worthy of the highest respect, kindness and understanding. Lately I’ve been reading this book by Debbie Ford called The Dark Side of the Light Chasers. It’s basically about how we often project things we haven’t embraced in ourselves onto other people. For example, if you’ve always been irritated by people who are arrogant you will react negatively if someone calls you arrogant even if you aren’t. Ford theorizes that we react because we haven’t embraced the gift that arrogance can mean for us. Being arrogant does have its gifts. If you weren’t arrogant you might not have the nerve to go up in front of people and give a speech, or perform a song. That’s just an example. Ford makes a good point that when we look at other people we often don’t see the person as he or she really is at that point in time. What we see is often what we react to: something we either like or don’t like in ourselves. So one of the best gifts we can give someone is to see them as they really are. Not what we think they should or shouldn’t be.


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Free Thought Fridays: Max Ehrmann Quote


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Be gentle with yourself. It’s so true! We are often our worst critics. We often repeat the negative things that people have said to us over and over again in our minds. But why do we do this? That’s not to say that you shouldn’t own up to the consequences of your actions. But if you are constantly criticizing yourself for small petty things then maybe you should give yourself a break. You don’t criticize the trees for shedding their leaves in fall. It’s just what they do. It’s a part of what being a tree is. Similarly, remember that you’re only human. You don’t need to be everything to everyone. You don’t have to be anything but yourself. Someone will love you for who you are. If they don’t, recognize that you can’t please everyone and accept that you are worth enough in your own right. In a physical sense you can also be gentle with yourself by taking care of your body. Feed your body nourishing foods, give it enough sleep and rest. When it wants to dance or move, let it do so. When you feel like singing or screaming let it out. I’m a fan of letting it out rather than bottling it up. You need to experience your emotions to process them and let them go. If that’s what you need to do then do it. That’s how you can be gentle with yourself: by acknowledging the totality of who you are and accepting it.


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Free Thought Fridays: Be gentle with yourself


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Be gentle with yourself. It’s so true! We are often our worst critics. We often repeat the negative things that people have said to us over and over again in our minds. But why do we do this? That’s not to say that you shouldn’t own up to the consequences of your actions. But if you are constantly criticizing yourself for small petty things then maybe you should give yourself a break. You don’t criticize the trees for shedding their leaves in fall. It’s just what they do. It’s a part of what being a tree is. Similarly, remember that you’re only human. You don’t need to be everything to everyone. You don’t have to be anything but yourself. Someone will love you for who you are. If they don’t, recognize that you can’t please everyone and accept that you are worth enough in your own right. In a physical sense you can also be gentle with yourself by taking care of your body. Feed your body nourishing foods, give it enough sleep and rest. When it wants to dance or move, let it do so. When you feel like singing or screaming let it out. I’m a fan of letting it out rather than bottling it up. You need to experience your emotions to process them and let them go. If that’s what you need to do then do it. That’s how you can be gentle with yourself: by acknowledging the totality of who you are and accepting it.


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Free Thought Fridays: Richard Carlson Quote


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This is the age of narcissism. While I believe every person is important and has a role to fulfill in the world, I also believe many are more concerned with being right than being kind. It doesn’t benefit anyone to prove your point of view if you’re going to hurt everyone you’re talking to. Also, many times our point of view is just that. It’s subjective and what may be true for me, may not be true for you. I knew someone who got really mad at a friend who hadn’t responded to repeated attempts at communication. He wanted to cut this friend out of his life completely and tell his other friends what a jerk the guy was. I was asked for advice on how to deal with it and I said don’t get mad, you don’t know what’s going on in their life. Just accept they can’t contact you right now and wish them well regardless. The friend finally got back to him. Turns out the friend had sustained a serious injury while working and had been hospitalized and then recovering. Needless to say, the person who got mad felt like a heel after finding all this out. Sometimes being kind is better than being right.